Who knew?
Barbie loves Spongebob, did you know? That's what the thing Marya saw at Toys R Us is actually called. It looks like this:
Called upon to investigate, I discovered some sort of ongoing Spongebob/Barbie meme, check it out, and any number of these on YouTube:
Oh, I know, they appear to be about Spongebob and Patrick, but don't be fooled. These videos are but thinly veiled references to a forbidden love. How long have these two been at it, and what inspired Mattel to legitimize a love that otherwise would never have dared speak its name in a special commemorative edition? *
When I think of Barbie sharing a universe with Spongebob I see her bestriding Bikini Bottom as in "Attack Of The 50 Foot Woman," grinding the resident sealife to jelly beneath her collosal stiletto heel. But, crush fantasies aside, perhaps what we have here is really fodder for the freakiest fanfic ever written: Barbie/Spongebob. He is absorbent, yellow and porous, a hardworking member of the family Cladorhizidae. She is improbably pneumatic yet vaguely humanoid, America's own vinyl sweetheart. Neither has genitals. The possibilities are endless.
*I actually have no idea which came first, the meme or the doll, but I like my version and I'm sticking with it.
>Neither has genitals.
Beg to differ. While Barbie's asexuality is well documented, nobody has ever seen what's behind Spongebob's tidy whities. Well, maybe Gary has. But I doubt whether Patrick or Mr Crabs has ever seen 'bob in the altogether. Squidward? No way. Sandy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wikipedia is instructive, though:
"However most sponges use sexual reproduction, releasing sperm cells into the water. In viviparous species the cells that capture most of the adults' food capture the sperm cells but, instead of digesting them, transport them to ova in the parent's mesohyl. The fertilized eggs begin development within the parent and the larvae are released to swim off in search of places to settle. In oviparous species both sperm and egg cells are released into the water and fertilisation and development take place outside the parent's bodies."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sponge
Now drop on the deck and flop like a fish.
Posted by: Bruce | December 17, 2009 at 01:15 PM
Hmmm... I do believe I have seen SpongeBob sans pants, and I recall no genitalia. On the topic of Barbie in Bikini Bottom as an Amazon, I sincerely feel that that is just the sort of woman that SpongeBob would adore.
Posted by: Jessica R. | January 12, 2010 at 12:43 PM